What to say and what not to say

Blog post written by Sam Holt, founder of Back To Life Cancer Support

When someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer, it can be difficult to know what to say. You want to support them but not sure what the “correct” response is or how you can be of any help.

Here are some thoughts to help you.

What you can say …

· I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this.

· If you would like to talk, I am here.

· Would you like me to keep you company today/tomorrow/when you go for your appointment?

· I don’t know what to say but I am here for you.

· I love you

What NOT to say … 

“I know exactly how you feel”.  No, you don’t. The experience is different for everyone. Try asking them how they feel instead.

“I’m sure it will be fine”.    There is no way of knowing this and may offer false hope.

“You are being so strong”.   This may be meant well but what if the person was putting on a brave face? Maybe they can’t tell you how not strong they are feeling. And then they may feel they can’t tell you how they are really feeling in case you don’t think they are strong! 

Nothing at all.   You may worry about saying the wrong thing and end up not saying anything. Try saying “I don’t know what to say but I am here for you”.

What you can do?

Listen.  Let them talk whenever and about whatever they feel. Or it may be that they are not ready to talk in which case just sit with them and just be.

Offer practical help.  Rather than saying “What do you need?” suggest specific things such as offering to pick up some shopping, taking them to appointments, looking after children etc.

Be there all the way through.   After the diagnosis, there is the treatment, multiple scans, blood tests and visits to the hospital.  Be there for them at the beginning, during and after. 

Buy them magazines, books or puzzle books, whatever they enjoy. They will likely spend many hours sitting around in hospitals

A bit about Sam …

Sam has over 30 years experience of working at a senior level within the NHS as a Clinical Technologist in Nuclear Medicine in medical imaging. This role has given her the pleasure and experience of working with a diverse group of patients of all ages, from 1 to 100, with a variety of medical issues, the most dominant one being cancer.

This experience means that Sam has comprehensive knowledge of the cancer pathway in the NHS, understands the stages, the terminology and the treatments.

“Many patients find this a traumatic and confusing time and I am able to use my knowledge and expertise to help navigate and support them through”

Visit Back To Life Cancer Support now

Sam Holt is a valued member of The Women Who Business Community.