Why friendship Ghosting Happens by Kahu Wellness

“I’ve seen it happen more than once. One client shared how her childhood best friend, someone she’d known since primary school, simply stopped returning her calls and replying to messages. Another confided how a lot of friends disappeared after she was diagnosed with cancer.

It’s a topic that comes up often in my coaching work—being ghosted by the people you once trusted most. The pain, confusion, and even shame that follows can feel overwhelming, especially during life transitions like menopause, career shifts, or health challenges.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Losing a friendship in this way is heartbreaking, but it’s also something we can explore together. Let’s unpack why it happens, why it hurts so much, and how to move forward with self-compassion and clarity.”

Why Ghosting Hurts So Much

When a friend ghosts us, it’s not just the silence that hurts—it’s what it leaves behind.

• Unanswered questions: We’re left wondering what went wrong and replaying conversations in our heads.

• Loss of trust: The sudden disconnect can make us question not just the friendship, but our own ability to trust others.

• A hit to self-esteem: It’s hard not to take it personally and wonder, Was it me?

Ghosting can feel especially painful during times of vulnerability—like navigating menopause, dealing with health challenges, or adjusting to big life changes. These are the moments when we need connection the most, making the absence of a friend even more profound.

Why Friends Ghost

Understanding why someone disappears from your life doesn’t take the pain away, but it can offer perspective. Here are some common reasons:

1. Overwhelm: Your friend may be dealing with their own challenges and feels unable to show up for you.

2. Miscommunication: Sometimes, small misunderstandings snowball into silence when they’re not addressed.

3. Life changes: Shifts in lifestyle, priorities, or values can create distance in a friendship.

4. Fear of confrontation: Many people avoid difficult conversations, choosing silence over discomfort.

While these reasons don’t excuse their behavior, they highlight that ghosting is often more about their capacity to cope than your worth as a person.

How to Cope When You’ve Been Ghosted

Being ghosted can leave you feeling powerless, but there are steps you can take to regain control and heal.

1. Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to feel hurt, confused, or even angry. Allow yourself to process these emotions without judgment.

2. Avoid self-blame: Remember, their decision to ghost you says more about them than about you.

3. Reflect on the relationship: Was it truly supportive and reciprocal? Sometimes ghosting reveals deeper cracks in the foundation of a friendship.

4. Focus on your circle of support: Pour your energy into relationships that feel safe and nurturing.

5. Create your own closure: Closure doesn’t have to come from the other person. Journaling, coaching, or talking with a trusted friend can help you find peace.

Turning Pain Into Empowerment

Losing a friend this way is undoubtedly painful, but it can also be an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and your values. What do you truly need in a friendship? How do you want to feel in your relationships?

Sometimes, being ghosted clears space for new, meaningful connections with people who align with your life’s current chapter. It can also be a reminder to focus on building the most important relationship of all—the one you have with yourself.

You’re Not Alone

If you’ve been ghosted, know that you’re not alone. It’s a painful experience, but it doesn’t define you. You are deserving of friendships that are mutual, supportive, and filled with care.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Let’s explore how you can heal, grow, and embrace the relationships that truly nurture you.

Kahu Wellness Coaching

Contact us: email: lesley@kahuwellnesscoaching.co.uk

Mobile: 07771 906750

Office Hours for inquires: Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm

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